Happy Easter!

Remember the reason Easter is.

You.

Easter is a celebration of God's love for YOU. So much that He gave (offered up willingly) His ONLY Son. And Jesus did it. He didn't want to. But He did it anyway. Why? Out of His love for YOU.

Wow.

The song Oh How He Love Me and You says it all.





Kid tip: Wrap a marshmallow in a crescent (the-from-a-can-kind) and talk about Jesus' death and how he was wrapped up and placed in a tomb. Bake according to directions. See what happens!

My fuse is short

It's hard to hear...
It's even harder to admit...
I've talked about how I'm serving at church, I've upped my work hours, I'm currently doing several girl scouts projects (anyone want to buy any cookies? My living room is filled with them!) and then there are the other curve-balls life throws (sometimes way-too-hard) at you. I've never claimed to be superwoman. Except... to my kids, still waiting to see if they've caught on or not. JUST KIDDING! I make sure they know it's not ok for people to behave like I do at times... And right now is one of those times.
You know... the quick fuse, the being pulled in so many directions I'm surprised I'm not walking sideways, the "I'm too tired to clean up!" (that comes from me, not the kids this time), the falling asleep when I sit down instead of putting the kids to bed, the feeling like a bad mommy starts becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, the ... um... yeah. That's me. I was wondering today WHY my kids were yelling at each other so much. Then I heard myself. UGH.
Some of you right now are being a little quick to judge. Yeah, you know who you are! The truth is... we all have our stressful times. When you see the reflection in the mirror, what do you do?
I'm going to step back. Start with the simple things.
Ever since Christmas, my kids have started asking me to get them up early in the morning. That has seriously cut into my Bible reading and prayer. But let's be honest... Even when I'm the only one up, if my eyes close, it's cause I'm sleeping... know what I mean???
What is my plan? Thanks for asking!
Back to my DAILY QTs.
I really want to use music as a calming mood change.
Then, when the fuse is quickly going... take a step back. and breathe. I've been holding my breathe for a while now...
God has been growing me a lot lately. I need to rest in Him.

Why I Serve

Watch this!
http://www.vimeo.com/9419312

Out of my comfort zone

Out of my comfort zone... and it's not such a bad place to be...
I have been growing and stretching in ways that have gotten me out of my comfort zone. I have been challenged to grow and to lead and do things I usually shy away from. I am finding out that I can do so much more than I ever thought possible. And the things I am not-so-good at... well, I am learning that I need to be in a place that if it does fall on me to do those things, how to do it with a smile then trust God to let the pieces fall into place. When God is in the midst of you serving, it is not you, but God.

My confidence has been growing. It has even started showing up in other areas of my life. Yesterday, I was treating myself to Starbucks (thanks, those of you who provided me with gift cards for Christmas!). I was running around after work and did not know HOW I would stay awake for Wednesday night services. While I was waiting for my coffee, the barista asked me if I was having a good day (did I look that tired?) and I actually engaged in a conversation with her. This is something I usually do not do. But I did. It was good. I walked away determined to keep taking those little steps out of my comfort zone... and just see where they lead.

Skip to church...

I am helping lead the children's Wednesday night services. I enjoy it. It is magical for me... I am so exhausted on Wednesday nights. Getting everyone ready and up to church can be a struggle. But once I'm there and see the kids, it all lifts. I am energized, headaches go away, and words just seem to come. God is there. God uses me. Me! He takes this person, who constantly doubts herself, who doesn't know what she is doing, who is not comfortable in front of people and allows her to take part in His work. I am constantly amazed.
I had thought that me doing so much more serving would be hard on the kids, but they love it. Their faces light up when they see me with the microphone. My face lights up when they tell me I did a good job, and I've even heard "I'm proud of you, mom!" It has given me so many opportunities to grow closer to my family, form wonderful relationships with others, but more importantly, to grow closer to God.
... and it feels good!

A New Year!

It's a new year. Some very exciting things are planned, but it's the unknown that makes me a bit nervous. We ended 2009 with a two-week vacation for Christmas. It was incredible! The family drama that sometimes accompanies holidays was not there! My kids are old enough now for me to not worry about them and hover over them constantly. The cousins all got along without any problems. I am so blessed.
Christmas was focused on Faith and Family instead of the usual get get get and give give give that can be so exhausting. And what was really cool, as far as presents go, the kids all got what they wanted. (one felt a little slighted by Santa for not getting a webkinz, but on the other hand, was incredibly overwhelmed with what she did get!) The BEST part... MEMORIES! We talked a lot about faith, but the fun times just hanging out with the cousins is what will be remembered. The faith is in the heart daily, the family is something we don't get enough of.
The kids made so many memories, flashlight tag, smores, producing their own Christmas Pageant, dancing, pettiskirts, first hunting trip, playing, games, puzzles, just being together. The memories were not made of expensive outings, but simple, free, just hanging out and letting kids be kids!
In that environment, my kids thrived!
I am so blessed!
Now that we are back from the vacation and the real world is setting in, the fear is back. So it's time to trust. And rely on that faith. I know I can do it. I know through my faith, I can face it and whatever happens... and not just survive, but thrive!
I think I just found my goal for 2010!

The MOST Beautiful Picture

The picture of Baptism is one of the most beautiful pictures around. The symbolism... showing what Jesus did to save us... his death and Resurrection... being buried with Christ... being raised again... new life... it is breathtaking. The only thing that makes the picture of baptism more beautiful is when it is your child being baptized. Three of my children showed the world they have made a decision to be followers of Christ. Another added blessing is that they shared this joy with Papa. Their Grandfather had the honor of (as one of them pronounces it) bathmetizing them! It was the most beautiful picture. We were all blessed that so many of our family and friends showed up on a rainy (with a patch of dry skies just long enough to hold the baptisms) Sunday to celebrate this new life with us!

New

Today is the start of a new day! It is also the start of a new job. Until I get acclimated to this newness... I will be taking a short break from my blog. I am hoping to be back in two weeks ready to share all of my adventures with you! Until then, enjoy whatever NEW things come your way!

Lamentations 3:22, 23

My Many Miracles - it's only routine

As I've mentioned before, I just passed the year anniversary of when I was given another chance at life. My life was almost taken, but God gave me another chance. I know we have new chances every morning. As a follower of Christ, I believe that I have a new chance ANY TIME I need one. But when you see your life fading, and possibility of death from Earth fast approaching, it changes your perspective. At least, it did mine. Did it ever! Before I get into all the details of what happened, I want to share with you what I wrote a few weeks after my "near death" experience. I didn't know it at the time, but I still wasn't out of the woods. As I look at the date, I wrote this exactly a year ago this week! Enjoy the glimpse into one of my many miracles!

it's only routine... and on a 'lucky' day
On 08-08-08 the world was talking about what a lucky day it was. For me it was a day I was to have a very routine surgery. One night in the hospital, two to four week recovery time. No big deal. The surgery went fine. Or so they thought. In recovery they realized it was not good. But it was a day of luck! What was going on? My blood pressure was crashing. There was internal bleeding. When they checked it out, emergency surgery was needed. I remember hearing bits and pieces of it and knew there was trouble. From what I understand, here is what happened: I was hemorrhaging and something else was going on with my blood. I went into shock and my body was attacking my blood. It was going from bad to worse. I know my doctor prays before each surgery and pictures The Great Physician behind him guiding him and giving him wisdom. I need to inform him that in my case, God stepped in and carried me. I wanted to live. God took the team of doctors and preformed a miracle. He carried all of us. And I survived! My blood pressure was very unstable and my blood was doing funny things. I had 12 or more transfusions among other blood stuff. I have 2 clots, one in my lungs and one in an arm. They put a filter in my lungs to protect against any more clots and the one that is there. My veins didn't cooperate and I had to have a central line put in. I swelled up and it made movement very difficult. After a few days my lungs started filling with fluid and started to collapse. I ended up staying in the hospital for 12 days. The road ahead is filled with doctor appointments and different kinds of treatments. We still don't know what is going on with my blood. Not all the numbers are running normal. I still have clots and will have to have the filter removed when the clots are gone. Walking is slow and I have to take it really easy. Through it all, God held me close. Jesus was my companion at the darkest moments. Without the miracles and mercies of God, I would not be here. I am reminded of that everyday and am so happy to be alive. My outlook is one of freedom and grace. I see God's smiles all around me, through people's prayers, through phone calls and emails, through offers of help, through the bird that plays on the tree outside my window. God has shown me there is a new path for me, a new way to live. I no longer have a job so I can have as long as I need to heal. I no longer feel oppressed by the outside things I was beholden to, things that didn't really didn't matter. I was given a gift in this. A gift of life and a gift of a new path. It really was a 'lucky day'. Thank you God!

Hurt by Words

Someone hurt my feelings. Actually, they cut me deeply with words spoken that slandered and demolished everything that is important to me. The speaker of the words that were Oh So Hurtful was not someone I could just stop talking to or someone that I could put in my past. It was a very important someone that I will see... a lot. An already shaky relationship was made rocky and irreparable that much harder to repair. For a year now, I've been walking around hurt, wounded, and angry. I've "given" it to God (and then snatched it back anytime I needed to...). I've rationalized it away. I've forgiven. But the hurt has been there, hovering over me. I have spent a year second guessing myself. What if those words were true? If that is the person I am, if the picture that was let loose by those words is who I am, then I am nothing of what I believe myself to be. There were some dark days when my thoughts ran down that trail. And I kept it inside. And I didn't talk about it. Every once in a while, I would talk to my husband. He would listen. He would love. He would remind me of who I am. He would remind me of Who matters.

I took a hard look at the speaker of those words and I saw a very hurting person. A person that, yes, I love. A person I pray for. A person that also is walking around wounded.

But that didn't take away the pain.

I've been carrying it around for too long.

It's time to lay it down.

At the feet of Jesus.



I went to a place of love and safety for me. A place to get advice, to be heard, but most importantly, a place of love. This is what I left with:



What I'm going through with the Speaker of the Words is based on my feelings. I feel hurt. What to do with that hurt? Acknowledge it, feel it, talk about it, let it go, learn from it. A lot of times, feelings control us. When we feel a certain way, we act a certain way. When we feel "bad", we act "bad". When we feel overwhelmed, we act out of control. When we feel hurt, we act out that hurt (prove them wrong or prove them right). The spiritual realm does not take into account our feelings. We are to obey. Obedience brings blessings (good feelings). We are to repent and have a true thankfulness. That leads to positive feelings and a positive outlook on life.



Change comes when we realize we've suffered enough. Lay the hurt down at the feet of Jesus. Repent. Live in gratitude. Seek mercy not justice. The Holy Spirit will take the situations and present opportunities for what needs to happen next in the journey. Taking those thoughts, I've realized I've suffered enough. I've been acting out my hurt. I want to lay it all down and obey. With repentance and a new start.



The guy who leads the meeting that I went to, a man I trust and love and respect greatly, a man simply known as Jim, a changer of lives by the simple acts of listening and loving. Wrote this on his blog...

"When you put your life and your judgments of others on the alter, when you make ready and accept to die, you are invincible. You have no more enemies and nothing more to lose." -- Josif Ton



"Although you may spend your life killing them off one by one - you will never exhaust all your foes. But if you quell your own anger, hate, self-centeredness, and self-contempt, your real enemy will finally be slain." -- Siddha Nagarjuna



We are our own worst enemies - not as children, but as struggling, immature adults. When we finally realize that, and lay the so many ways that is true down in front of Him for Him to handle, asking Him and Him alone to heal the ways in which we were mistreated or misunderstood in our earlier lives, we are finally free to truly live a life of freedom, passion, and purpose.



Thanks Jim, for simple words of love! Thanks Kevin, for loving and accepting me and reminding me of the Truth! Thanks, Jesus, wow. for everything! um... and thanks Speaker of the Words, for a chance to grow.

One year ago today...

I was given a gift.

Another chance at life.

God turned tragedy into triumph.

Today

I celebrate

LIFE!

Today

I will live

fully

and

love

fully.

Today

I will

NOT

take for granted

each breath.

Thank you, God...

For another day!

Stay tuned for more of the story... I will be posting the "what happened" soon.

Random thoughts

I just read two blogs...

written by sisters...

Jen talked about a mission trip she went on.

Where she wasn't supposed to talk about Jesus. I thought that was strange. She talked about the cute, uninterested in the Lord, children.

My thoughts:

A hug and listening speaks more Jesus to a child than words do.

Heather challenged you to think about

"What are you believing God for today?"

My thoughts...

Read her comments to find out.